Kinky on the O'Reilly Factor (March 10)

O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly.

In the "Campaign '08" segment tonight, it's hard to believe, but that dopey commercial with the phone ringing in the White House at 3 a.m. is still getting publicity. Here's the take from "Saturday Night Live."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FRED ARMISEN, CAST MEMBER, NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": Hillary? I'm sorry to call this late again, but I need your help.

AMY POEHLER, CAST MEMBER, NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": Mr. President, what can I do?

ARMISEN: The CIA just confirmed that Iran has completed a nuclear device. It looks like the Russians, the North Koreas, Hugo Chavez have been helping them.

POEHLER: I was afraid much that. When did this start?

ARMISEN: Apparently the day I was sworn in. Those mother (EXPLETIVE DELETED). those (EXPLETIVE DELETED), (EXPLETIVE DELETED). I trusted them. I gave them my complete, total trust. What do I do, Hillary? What do I do?

POEHLER: Mr. President, you can start by getting a hold of yourself.

ARMISEN: I can't! Don't you see that I'm in a panic? A blind, unreasoning, inexperienced panic?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: There is, however, a serious point behind the nonsense, and that is how the Democratic candidates would deal with sudden conflict.

Joining us now to analyze, Juan Williams in Washington and our pal Kinky Friedman in Austin, Texas.

Who do you want answering that phone at 3 a.m. in the morning there, Kinky, in the White House? Who?

KINKY FRIEDMAN, HUMORIST: Well, John McCain has been to hell and back for America. You know, he has been tested. We know that. You are going to make it between Hillary and Obama. I would say, Bill, that the human soul is unknowable. I was able to predict Texas cowboy enough for Hillary, you know.

O'REILLY: Yes, you were. And thank you...

FRIEDMAN: Juan and I -- Juan and I...

O'REILLY: Thank you for reminding me of that. You did that. You changed your mind. You came on, and you predicted it correctly. Go ahead.

FRIEDMAN: That's correct. I heard a voice, and Juan and I are batting 1,000. And I want to come up to New York and get a big hairy steak. But -- but you're asking me to tell you.

O'REILLY: Who do you want to pick up the phone? Now John McCain, all right. That's fine.

FRIEDMAN: All right.

O'REILLY: But if you had to go with Hillary or Obama. Who do you want to pick that phone up?

FRIEDMAN: That's like asking -- the human soul is unknowable. That is like asking who is going to have courage when the plane crashes? And it's not the guy you expect. It never is. So, to ask me to answer that, I would have to do it like Sherlock Holmes. I'd have to come out and tell you not what my methods are. I'd have to -- you know, what Sherlock said.

O'REILLY: You don't have any instinct on this one you? Because you usually do.

FRIEDMAN: Yes. No. This one, I have got to be -- like my barber in Kerrville said about you, Bill. He said -- he asked me to ask you if you have barbwire rash from straddling the fence too much.

O'REILLY: I'm straddling the fence? Your barber thinks I'm straddling the fence?

FRIEDMAN: That's what my barber says. That's what my barber says...

O'REILLY: Yes.

FRIEDMAN: ... in Kerrville.

O'REILLY: In Kerrville. All right. And happy hour there is 24/7.

FRIEDMAN: They've got a Confederate flag on their barber pole.

O'REILLY: All right, Juan. Who do you want answering that phone?

JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS POLITICAL ANALYST: Well, you know, the thing that Kinky said about John McCain. I don't know. You know, people say he can be pretty temperamental. I don't know if you want someone out of control, angry and screaming at 3 a.m. in the morning.

O'REILLY: It depends who calls, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Well, I thought it -- I thought it's a situation...

O'REILLY: If it's you calling at 3, I'm going to get out of control and temperamental.

WILLIAMS: Yes, you would. Well, I think that, if I had a choice between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, it would be -- it would come down to a matter of Hillary Clinton having been around the track a few more times and knowing a lot of these world leaders in a way that, you know, inescapably, he can't match because he's so young and relatively new to federal government and to international politics.

O'REILLY: All right. So you're saying that, because she was in the White House and a sitting senator, she had more experience.

But, if you -- if it comes down to John McCain -- and it will -- and one of the Democrats, there's no doubt that John McCain has more experience, and he knows the world better than either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. So, do you change your...

WILLIAMS: Wait, wait, wait. Why did you say that?

O'REILLY: Well, because he's been a senator and a guy on the military edge, cutting edge of the military, his whole life. So that's why I'm saying.

WILLIAMS: Look -- look, he has been in a prison camp, and he certainly comes from a military family and has distinguished military service.

O'REILLY: His father was an admiral, Juan. He went to a...

WILLIAMS: Right. That's what I just said, Glenn. I just said that, Bill. But there's a comparison. You're not asking about military experience. You can't say, "Oh, you know what?" With the exception of President Eisenhower name to me an American president of recent vintage who had lots of military experience. That's not the measure. The measure is one how do you react in the moment of crisis? And are you rational?

O'REILLY: The crisis is going to be military driven in the war on terror, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Correct.

O'REILLY: This is the issue here. It's not like we're in -- we're in a period of peace in America. We're not. And that is.

WILLIAMS: I didn't argue that.

O'REILLY: That's what people have to decide.

WILLIAMS: But it's not, if it's because you have, you know, been to hell and back in a military uniform, you're going to have better judgment than somebody else.

O'REILLY: At least you know what the options are. Look, I'm not trying to argue for John McCain.I'm just trying to poke holes in your argument. Now...

WILLIAMS: That's fine. But to introduce the idea of military background is wrong-headed.

O'REILLY: OK. Why, Mr. Friedman, is this insane commercial, which I thought was annoying in the beginning -- people actually say it threw the election to Hillary Clinton a couple Tuesdays ago. I mean, I can't believe it it's still around, but it is.

FRIEDMAN: Yes. I don't -- I don't think -- you know, we've had 43 presidents. The greatest ones are ones that we thought would be nothing, that the people all belittled and despised and ones like Warren G. Harding, everybody thought was so handsome and such a presidential type, was a total wash.

So I don't think you can -- this is one of the things you cannot predict, Bill. You can -- you know, I could tell you if I'm hearing voices in my head like a mental patient, I'll try to tell you. OK, I couldn't even do that.

O'REILLY: I think that's fair. You don't know...

FRIEDMAN: These are both good people.

O'REILLY: Absolutely. FDR is a great example of a wartime commander that nobody could have predicted would have been that way. But there is a mindset. And I think Americans are going to have to get to the bottom of it.

Gentlemen, thanks very much. We appreciate it, as always.

"Body Language" dead ahead. Tonight, was Larry King mean to actress Fran Drescher, the nanny? Was he cruel to the woman? And how about that McCain-Bush endorsement, the Bush-McCain endorsement? Tonya Reiman moments away.